Our Annual April Fool’s Edition

Our Annual April Fool’s Edition

I love April Fool’s Day. I’m an unreformed prankster. I’ve pulled some fine pranks on April 1, and just as importantly, I’ve had a multitude of pranks pulled on me. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

The following is one of my favorite April Fool’s stories:

Of all the teachers I worked with over the years, Glenda Hagan will always be one of my favorites.

She taught her entire career at East Beauregard, where she shaped two generations of English students and contributed greatly to our school’s unique culture.

She loved pranking but was also one of the most gullible people, which made her so much fun to be around.

On this particular April Fool’s Day, I was the assistant principal in our K-12 school.

I had my two unindicted co-conspirators, Carolyn and Bonnie, call her during her planning period.

“Mrs. Hagan, you have a call at the office.”

I peeked from behind my office door when she came in.

Carolyn handed her the slip I’d carefully prepared:

Mr. Fox

Alexandria

(318) 441-6810.

Glenda took the note. “Who is Mr. Fox?”

Carolyn shrugged as Bonnie stuck her head around the door.

Glenda held the note to the light, “I don’t know any Mr. Fox in Alexandria.”

Finally, Glenda Hagan dutifully picked up the phone and dialed (318) 441-6810.

A cheerful voice answered, “Good morning, Alexandria Zoo.”

Glenda Hagan paused. “Uh, I have a note to call Mr. Fox.”

There was a long silence. “Ma’am, this is the Alexandria Zoo. It’s April Fool’s Day. I believe you’ve been pranked.”

Glenda Hagan slammed down the phone, walked into the hallway, and yelled, “CURT ILES, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Evidently, she had a good idea who was behind the prank. She was a good sport about it but wagged a finger in my face. “Just remember: I will get you back.”

And she was true to her word. Over the next year, I fell victim to many of her revenge-pranks. She’s not the only one who’s gullible.

When she’d stick the needle in, she’d remind me, “Remember Mr. Fox.”

Happy April Fool’s Day, Glenda. I cherish my years of working with you, but most of all, I’m privileged to call you my lifetime friend.

By the way, (318) 441-6810 is the actual Alexandria Zoo number. If you call today, ask for a list of the animal species prank calls they’ve received recently.

The Construction Worker’s Boots

As you learned earlier in “Mister Fox,” I love a good prank.

Before I share my all-time favorite prank, I want to add a disclaimer:

A prank should never harm a person, physically, or emotionally. Example: no snakes! A prank should be laughable on both ends and never meant to embarrass someone.

. . . and the prankster must be ready to be pranked threefold in return. In other words, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. Be prepared to be a good sport when it circles back to you.

* * *

 

The following story will always be my best prank.

A school’s morale needs to have some fun along with solid instruction. One morning, when I was principal at EBHS, I arrived at school early before the custodians or lunchroom workers arrived.

I carried a pair of my mud-caked rubber boots in the faculty women’s bathroom and locked myself in the single stall.

You need some background before I continue.

Construction was going on for a building extension for the high school. In their comings and goings, the workers tracked in mud. The custodians constantly complained about the workers making a mess in the hallways and bathrooms.

That’s why I stood locked inside the women’s faculty bathroom, holding a pair of muddy rubber boots.

I placed the boots in front of the commode. I brought two short sticks and a pair of ratty jeans.

I inserted the sticks in the boots and arranged/draped the blue jeans over the sticks.

I carefully arranged the jeans in the posture of someone sitting on the throne. For added realism, I set a roll of toilet paper between the boots and shook a little caked mud.

I couldn’t stop laughing as I made a final inspection of my handiwork.

Then, I did the most challenging part of my project. Holding my necktie, I crawled out from under the stall door. It was a tight fit. I sure couldn’t do it now.

I leaned against the sink, admiring my artwork. From the outside, it looked just like one of the construction workers on the commode.

Don’t forget this was the one-stall ladies’ bathroom.

I hurried to my office. No one else knew my secret.

As school started, I was busy with the chores of a K-12 principal: a bus driver bringing in a rowdy fourth-grader or a red-faced parent while signing a stack of excused absences.

I signed tardy slips as the morning announcements were broadcast. I kept my eyes on the hallway, waiting to see who’d report the construction worker stuck in the women’s restroom.

Nearly an hour passed before the four custodians met me at my office door.

Thelma Bushnell was naturally the spokesperson. I loved Mrs. Thelma dearly, but she could be a bit bossy and a tad nosey. Sometimes, I wondered if she was working for me or if I was working for her.

She said, “Mr. Iles, one of those construction workers, has been in the women’s restroom for nearly an hour.”

“What?”

“Yes, he’s been in there. We keep checking on him, but he’s still there.”

“Did y’all speak to him?”

“No, but Sugar heard him grunt.”

I nearly lost it.

“Mr. Iles, you need to come see for yourself.”

The committee led me to the bathroom. “See there.”

I shook my head. “Do you think he’s all right?”

“As quiet as he is, he might have passed out or might be dead.”

“Or he’s got a major-league case of constipation.”

Once again, I nearly lost it.

I bent over. “Sir, are you all right?”

Crickets.

I shook the door. It’s locked.

“Fellow, just let me know you’re in there.”

I turned to Kelly. “Go get a chair, and we’ll look over the door to check on him.”

He returned and stood on the chair for a bird’s-eye view. I’m not positive, but I believe he cursed under his breath.

The next custodian took her turn on the chair.

“Mr. Iles, I cannot believe you did that! You ought to have more to do than playing pranks.”

“How do you know I did it?”

“Because I know you, and this was right up your alley. We will get you back. Just watch and see.”

I now had the thankless job of crawling back under the stall and unlocking the door.

They gathered in admiration of my setup.

Thelma Bushnell said, “Mr. Iles, you really don’t have enough to do, do you?”

Sugar said, “Where in the world did you get this crazy idea?”

“From my Uncle Bill, the world’s finest prankster.”

It still is my all-time favorite prank.

Those four custodians repeatedly pranked me over the remaining school year, and we laughed together each time.