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Author’s note: I originally cut “A Broken Cup” from the book. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be this transparent.

 

When we needed one more chapter to match the book’s spine width with the page count. I felt this was God’s direction to include it in Where We All Come From.

I’m now glad I did.

I hope you are, too.

 

 

Chapter 62,  “A Broken Cup” from Where I Come From

 

Your deepest pain can give you the highest platform.

When my favorite coffee cup fell onto the patio floor, it shattered, and shards scattered about. The handle broke off, and a sizeable crescent-shaped piece of the rim was gone. Sadly, it would now only hold three sips of coffee.

I really liked its rough ceramic finish and how it kept my coffee hot, but now it was useless. I walked to the trash can . . . and then stopped.

 Instead of tossing the cup, I retrieved a Sharpie and wrote across the bottom: I’ve been broken, but I’m still useful.

 

I can understand that because I’ve been broken, too.

My brokenness comes from periodic bouts of deep depression.

Many times during those dark times, I felt as if I was broken beyond repair. My depression was so deep, dark, and long that I doubted that I’d survive or ever be of use again.

However, I was wrong; In God’s economy, nothing is wasted. He takes everything in our lives and shapes us to be more useful for the Kingdom. So, in spite of my dark valleys, I’m still useful. The fact that you’re reading this book means God can still use broken people.

My depression has made me a better and more empathic man, and it’s given me a platform and voice to encourage others suffering from this illness.

Those of you who’ve been with me through my previous books will notice a difference in my writing.

I’ve been broken and put back together again.

That changes everything about a man, including how he sees the world and writes about it.

Your brokenness may be different from mine, but everyone has some brokenness, many times hidden within the recesses of their hearts.

I don’t know where you’ve been broken, but I know God can make you stronger in your broken places. I also know he wants to use your pain as a platform to help others.

I want to be honest: I struggled with including this chapter. It required being vulnerable with the deepest pain of my life. I equate it with running down the street in your boxers (or less.)

I originally cut “A Broken Cup” from this book. When I needed one more chapter so my page count would match the spine width, I realized this was my sign from God to include it. I have a sneaking suspicion it will be the most noteworthy of the sixty-sixty chapters.

I’ve fought depression over the years.

Notice how combat terms are used in describing depression:

“I’m battling depression. “

“It’s a fight.”

“He’s gone through bouts of depression.”

“I’ve struggled with depression.”

These descriptive words have a commonality: depression is a great struggle and fierce fight that tests everything within a man or woman.

It’s a battle.

That describes my depression. I’ve battled it.

If I can get as low as I was and bounce back—anyone can. I’m the poster child for hope and healing.

You will get better. Don’t give up hope.

Hold onto hope. It’s a precious commodity.

Grasp that strong rope called hope.

You’re not hopeless. God isn’t through with you yet.

You will get better. Don’t let go of the rope of hope.

The D-words

There is a list of D-words that travel with depression:

Distortion. Depression is the great liar. It bombards you with lies such as “I’ll never get better or regain my happiness and joy.”

It tells you so many things that aren’t true and clouds everything.

Discouragement. Depression is discouragement that won’t go away.

Despair. It’s the Biblical word for word for depression, most often used in the Psalms of David.

 Darkness. Most depression sufferers use the words such as “darkness, blackness, night.” Churchill called his episodes of depression “The Black Dogs.”

Dread. There is a loss of joy replaced by fear.

Thoughts of Death. David said it well, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death . . . “Most long-term sufferers experience a wide spectrum of thoughts about death. Few will admit it, but it’s part of the illness. Don’t listen to those thoughts. You will get better.

Disappointment. “God, I know you can heal me; why don’t you do it now?”

Dry. Your soul feels dry. So often, my depressed friends will say that “their soul is dry.”

When I’m in deep depression, I’m dry.

I normally tear up at the end of “Ol’ Yellow,” but I have no tears when I’m depressed. I’m dry inside.

Since my mental health has returned, I tear up at anything, especially people’s hurts and a mockingbird’s song. I am not ashamed that my tears come easily. I’ve got my mental health back, and I am so thankful. Once again, I enjoy people and find joy in the events of life. My creativity has returned, as has my playful sense of humor.

The best Biblical text on depression is the story of the Prophet Elijah in I Kings 18-19.

In summary, Elijah has come off the greatest victory of his life against King Ahab and his horde of godless prophets. He stands alone and prays down fire from heaven.

Then, he experiences a tremendous letdown: Wicked Queen Jezebel threatens him, and he “is afraid and runs for his life.”

After a long, tiring marathon, he goes into the wilderness.

Elijah’s burnt out, literally and figuratively.

His tank is dry, and he’s depressed.

God seems to be silent. The most painful part of depression is not feeling the presence of God. He’s beside me, but I don’t feel it.

I sense this in Elijah: he’s under the broom tree and can’t seem to hear God’s voice. His prayers seem to be bouncing off the ceiling, or in his case, off the canopy of the broom tree.

I know. You feel that God is a million miles away, even though he’s as close as your heartbeat. It’s a matter of perception and distortion.

It’s hard to pray in that situation. During my darkest days, I had two repetitive prayers:

“Lord, help me.”

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

Looking back, I realize those were honest prayers, and God answered both.

Our hero Elijah sits down under a broom tree and prays that he might die.

He laments, “I have had enough, Lord, take my life.”

I know the feeling. I’ve sat under that same broom tree. It’s dry and lonely out in the desert. You feel so alone and helpless. “Lord, take my life.”

Anyone who has sat under the broom tree for any length of time understands these dark thoughts of death. Ignore them. You will get better. Don’t lose hope.

However, in the following passage, God supplies the presence His prophet needs and then provides for his obvious physical needs: rest, food, and water.

Later, when Jesus needed encouragement and prayers as he prepared for the cross, God sent Moses and Elijah, a man who had been broken but still useful.

Sometimes, people ask me, “How can you, a man of God, be depressed?’

I simply answer, “Elijah.”

A broken man who became stronger in his broken places and continued to be used mightily by God.

Postscript: How did I come out of it?

 Finally, I want to share about that strong rope of hope: how I was restored to mental health.

Most of all, my healing came from God, to whom I’m so grateful.

Time. Healing takes time. I didn’t get sick overnight, and it took me time to get well.

Support: I’ve been blessed to have a strong circle of encouragers around me. It begins with my precious wife, DeDe, and extends to my loving family and close friends.

I had several men who walked beside me. I meet another fellow struggler weekly. We help each other.

My best friend James was so faithful and refused to be pushed away. Everyone needs a friend like James Newsom.

I’ve chosen to be part of a small men’s groups who love me, encourage me, and pray for me. Every depressed person needs prayer warriors. My loving church family has stood with me.

I made a decision not to walk this journey alone.

There should be no stigma in seeking help or taking medication. Depression isn’t a weakness; it is an illness. We seek medical help for every other sickness; why not depression?

My depression is evidently some type of chemical imbalance. It’s simple for me: if I take my meds, I stay healthy; if I don’t, I get depressed. Because I know how the bottom feels, I refuse to go off my meds without my doctor’s instructions.

Once again, all healing, including all of the above, comes from Jesus, the Great Physician.

Don’t lose hope. You will get better. I’m living proof of it.

Please share “A Broken Cup” with friends who are fellow strugglers. Tell them it’s from my heart to theirs.

We’d be so honored if you’d purchase a COPY of Where I Come From Here.

The Mockingbird’s Midnight Song is my memoir of my depression. Because it has helped so many, it’s the most satisfying of my fourteen books.

It’s available on Amazon as a paperback and Kindle as an ebook.

Please consider sharing this with anyone who needs this story of hope and encouragement.

I hope to release Under The Broom Tree: My Journey Through Depression in mid-2025. Please pray for this project.

Stay posted at www.creekbank.net