The Dry Creek Sign Phantom 1974-1992

Everyone’s favorite story from my previous book, The Old House, was “The Sign Phantom.” It told of my dad’s hilarious roadside signs as you entered the community of Dry Creek. The following is a list of all the signs as he remembered them. You may not understand them all.
(You would have needed to have been there on some of them.)

My mother-in-law, Juanita Terry, claimed this was some of the best wisdom she’d ever seen.

But they are representative of his neat sense of humor:

Flag burner – you have been warned!
Peacocks At Large
Caution – Adults at Play
Register for free Ford Torino
Home of the Bionic Dog
Airport next exit
No diving from this bridge

Toll Bridge – one-half-mile
Shop our modern mall
The original Sign Phantom work

(circa 1974)Gateway to Doodle Fork
Going on vacation? – visit Reeves
Famous for Nothing
It sure ain’t heaven
We have a great sense of rumor
Stay at our “no-tell” motel
Danger – Skylab landing area

Welcome to Fantasy Island
Get rid of ugly fat – divorce him
One horse town with a sick horse
Equal rights for men rally Saturday
Stop in and make an enemy
Just opened – Tattoo ParlorAnnual Sideburn Pageant
Nude Bathing at Morrow Bridge
Hee Haw filmed here
Now open: Massage Parlor
The Shah will not spend Christmas in Dry Creek
Billy Carter would like Dry Creek
Crossroads to nowhere

Hunters get help – join doe shooters anonymous
Welcome Cuban refugees
Our wives: Maybe, Our guns: Never
Under quarantine: Sleeping sickness
Just happy primitive people here
Move the Olympics to Dry Creek
We ain’t gonna give our hogs no flu shots
Satellite capital of the world

Herb lives in Dry Creek (from the famous Burger King ad)
Night Hunters – look out for Rudolph
Remember what happened to Grandma
Wedding Saturday night, Baptist Church – Bo and Hope

Our sex symbol: Alan Tumey
(referring to a well-known nerdy KPLC-TV reporter)

Evidently, Alan is still proud of “his sign,” as he sent this to a friend several years ago.

Deep in the heart of taxes

Protected by Patriot Missiles
“Stormin’ Norman” could not control this place
On this site in 1901: Nothing Happened
Yield right-of-way to fire engines
First annual fire ant festival next weekend

Daddy’s signs at election time never stayed up long:

Ban all elections*
Shame on you, Edwin* (Edwin Edwins, our longtime governor)
Come back, Treen*
Gov. Edwards crapped out*
What election?*

* Daddy loved to poke fun at politics and elections, especially anything that involved Edwin Edwards.

We dance with Coyotes
Don’t tell us wrestling is fake
J.R. would have a ball around here
Winter Home of Bigfoot
Welcome Patty Hearst
Deer Hunters: Bambi – No/Bambi’s mother – Never!

Bo don’t know Dry Creek
Home of the Ugly Trucks
Killer bees, death awaits you here
Riverboat gambling on Whiskey Chitto
Come back, Charley Mac
Do not shoot squirrels that wave or smile at you
Our deer are armed and trained to shoot back
Waiting for the lottery to make us all rich
Opening here soon – Dr. Red Duke’s medical center
Free the 3 gar trapped in Bundick Lake
Welcome to Saturday Night Dead

Boyhood home of Spuds McKenzie
1064 – The combined IQ of everyone in Dry Creek
Entering the time tunnel
Beware of Rabid squirrels
Home of “Black” Iles – tour guide dog
Since we gave up all hope – we feel lots better
Khadaffy wouldn’t last 30 minutes here

No bungee jumping off Dry Creek Bridge
Where caterpillars grow on trees – not money
Latest gossip just ahead
2 – Live Crew in concert here Saturday
Do not pet or tease our coyotes
We miss you, Boss Hogg
Take a stray dog to lunch
Don’t laugh your daughter may marry a Dry Creek boy!

What’s your favorite sign and why?

Are there any signs needing explanation to a non-Southerner/Dry Creeker?

I’d love to hear your comments as well as your quizzical inquiries. curt@creekbank.net